The truth about success that keeps you stuck in your habits
Have you ever thought about what would happen if you didn’t spend time questioning your body’s worth or goodness? If you were not fixated on how to make your body better? What would you spend your time or mental energy on if it wasn’t food, diets, workout plans, images of other people’s bodies, or images of your own body?
I wonder how many collective hours of my life I have spent examining my body in the mirror. I wonder how many more I have spent feeling unworthy or undeserving of love for myself as a result of what I saw. I wonder how many more I spent holding back in other areas of my life because I felt unworthy.
Behaviors and thought patterns that hold us back can be hard to change because there is comfort in the familiar.
As a culture, we are so good at dieting. We are so good at restricting and binging. And there are hundreds of flavors for us to try! We can cut carbs, cut fat, cut gluten, cut meat, cut processed foods, cut sugar, cut nightshade vegetables, cut alcohol, cut caffeine, carb cycle, intermittent fast, cleanse, detox, juice, count calories, count macros, count steps, reverse diet, supplement… the list goes on and it grows every single day.
We have a culture that accepts this as the norm, that condones it. We connect with other people over it. We feel acceptance and belonging when we diet, and we feel acceptance and belonging when we “fail,” because it is so much more common to burn out on diets than to “succeed” in finding an eating practice we can sustain and a body that we can love.
And isn’t that the holy grail? Isn’t that what we’re all shooting for?
But what would it really mean if you were to succeed? Think about that. What would it really mean?
If you were able to eat in a way that supported your life, that was sustainable, that you enjoyed, that made your body feel amazing, and that made you feel comfortable and confident in your body, what would that mean?
What would you do with all of that time that you spent fixated on diets and your body, thinking that “success” around food would be the answer to all of your problems? How would you connect with other people if you could no longer relate to the ups and downs of the diet roller coaster and the subsequent fluctuations in self-esteem?
I wonder if we know sometimes, deep down, in the rare quiet moment we get with ourselves, that what we are really afraid of is what we will have to face when we succeed. What do you do once you realize that food was only a distraction from the task of discovering your true calling?
Deep down, you might actually know that it’s easier to occupy your mind with thoughts about food and your body than it is to consider other ways to spend your time—in other words, that it’s easier to face the familiar preoccupation with what to eat or not eat than to face the question of your bigger purpose in life.
Behaviors and thought patterns that hold us back can be hard to change because there is comfort in the familiar.
In American culture, “success” around nutrition and body-image—which I define as the collection of behaviors and thoughts that support your health goals and foster self-love—is so incredibly rare that it is a terrifyingly lonely place. And whether or not you realize this consciously, chances are you feel it somewhere in your gut.
Reclaiming your relationship with food and your body puts you in a position to be judged by others who have not yet achieved this sense of security. Your success is open season! Until more of us arrive, the sweet island of healthful eating and self-acceptance is actually a little desolate. And when we are hard-wired to connect and belong, this is a surprisingly difficult place to be.
So what do you do? You can start with having some compassion for yourself. It’s ok to be scared of what comes next. Acknowledge it. Get curious about it. Play with it. Your fear is probably trying to protect you. And in the meantime, have some compassion for others. You know what it’s like to feel like a passenger on the diet merry-go-round. That’s not too great either.